Looking back, I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know why I was so desperate for money, and I don’ t know why I thought tests and trials were the way to get it. But, whatever the reason, freshman year there was not a psychiatric test, MRI screening, or reaction diagnostic in this city that I didn’t take. And it was awesome.

Boston is a veritable medical hub. With the teaching hospitals of Harvard and Tufts, in addition to other well respected facilities, the pool for medical testees is fished frequently. Coupled with the saturation of college students in the city, I’m sure I wasn’t alone.

The tests varied. Once I was paid $50 to lay in an MRI for an hour listening to music. I still couldn’t tell you what they were testing for, but I know I got that cash money. If I had been willing to do an invasive MRI test (which I wasn’t, because needles are terrifying), I could’ve made a cool $150.

There were also the reaction tests. Get paid $25 to sit at a computer and touch a button when the screen flashed. Pick up patterns, write words, use this hand, use that hand, whatever, making it rain. Not to mention the psychiatric ones, writing about my childhood, my day, taking surveys about my alcohol use, my sexy times, all confidential of course. Just raking it in.

In addition to all that, my friends sold their blood, their blood plasma, and, a few lucky ones, their semen. If you have a body in this city, you can make money.

So what does this make me? A businessman. I didn’t take any drugs, didn’t really put myself in any harm, and I still made some solid money. And it was only the tip of the iceberg. If I wanted to take drugs, if I wanted to do sleep studies, if I wanted to do more invasive tests, they were all there, ripe for the picking.

I haven’t sold myself since then, and a part of me misses it. It was always interesting. I liked to try to guess what I was being tested for in the psychiatric tests and then dupe the testers. It never really worked, but it was better than folding clothes at a retail job. So if you ever have some time on your hands and need some drinking money (or sweater money, or whatever money is usually spent on, if you are not of age) check out BU’s Quickie Job listings. I found all my tests there, and there are certainly some waiting for you now. And if you want to babysit or whatever, those are there too.