On turning 20-something

(courtesy of www.thedisplacedafrican.com)

I’ve been 21 for 364 days now. Because you’re most likely not all that interested in a long-winded recap, let me give you the short version: London, Boston, Playing Clubs, School, Summer, Working, Sailing, No Girlfriend, Beach, Girlfriend, School, Christmas, Now. It was pretty awesome.

The real essence of 21 though, if you’ll indulge me for a minute, is the crossroads of youth and maturity. Drinking, in an instant, loses its flair. Is it still awesome? Obviously, but there’s no longer the struggle, the risk, the camaraderie. You’re just doing what you’re doing because you can. But it becomes fresh for different reasons. Bars are new, and you’re the youngest person in them. You sheepishly order a Bud Light because you’ve never had much of a choice before.

That’s not to suggest the only thing that’s great about turning 21 is imbibing. Certainly not. But it’s an easy milestone to tack onto. There’s a general feeling of becoming an adult. You’ve finally crossed a threshold into some sense of complete responsibility. There are no more age-restrictions. Society has deemed you fit to make every decision for yourself — except rent a car, in some cases.

But now the luster is gone. I’m a day away from 20-something.

I now have no real milestones to look forward to. A job? Ugh. Marriage? Whatever. Kids? Don’t want to think about it. From here on out everything that I have to look forward to will only up the ante. They will only give me more opportunities to fail.

And then, to add to that, the amazing adult things I did at 21 become what I’m supposed to do anyway. Louis C.K. (warning: coarse language) talks about 30 being the worst age to turn because no one is impressed with you living your life anymore. I would argue that that starts when you turn 20-something. When I was 21, if I paid my rent, it was like, oh wow, look at you, you were good enough with your finances this month to scrape together a sum of money at the end. And if I couldn’t pay it all, I’m young, I’ll figure it out eventually. Now, if I don’t do it, it’s not because I’m young and inexperienced, it’s because I’m irresponsible and can’t budget my finances. Budgeting? Seriously? Red Bull Vodkas on an open tab have never heard of Quicken.

When I was 21, looking for a real-life job was almost like a novelty that I didn’t expect to work out right away. Now I’m a degenerate if I don’t have a paycheck in six months because my bills will be more than I can bear. Fantastic.

To add to that, there are so many unknowns in the coming months it’s hard to balance an excitement for wide horizons with a concern for smothered dreams. So for you youngsters, hold on to these years with all the strength you can muster in your baby hands. And, if you see me out tonight, or tomorrow, or Saturday, or Sunday, give me a pat on the back, I’m mourning my youth.